Went on Tinder and realized I’ll never be into that culture, I’ll never be modern, I’m so old fashioned.
I’ve spent the day reading Song of Solomon, its required for my coursework as a grad student. I ran into this passage that talks about how one of the characters falls in love with an older woman and doesn’t realize that he gets lazy, starts treating her like the “third beer,” the one many of us have just because it’s there. Such a coincidence that’s how things felt before my partner and I broke it off. Truly made me feel like absolute crap, but it’s interesting that reading Toni Morrison would bring me to this realization. It makes me realize that I need to write for myself more, that unless I verbalize what I am feeling, all my feelings will stay stuck inside my head.
So difficult to know that the right thing to do feels so wrong. Living and lesrning to be ok with putting things on pause.
It’s important to realize that I’ve learned to live for every moment rather than those where there is some sort of affirmation and acceptance. If I don’t live every moment as if it were an act of affirmation and acceptance I’m not really living.
Sometimes I forget those little moments that have brought such joy to my life, those times where nothing mattered except the moment I lived in and the person I lived it with. I still hold on to those memories because they remind me that love must be nurtured for it to grow. Here’s to hoping all our love continues to grow in the new year.
Wednesday I had the opportunity to serve Thanksgiving dinner to families from the Pico-Union area of Los Angeles. It was an event hosted while the LA Auto Show also happened in the convention center. As the night ended, families were escorted out of the room in which the dinner took place, down the escalators of the convention center, and past many of the exhibits that were being hosted by the auto show.
What impacted me most was the contrast between some of the very wealthy people attending the auto show, glaring at these cars, while these families were grateful to have received a meal and could care less about materialistic things like the latest car.
That night, it was like both sides of capitalism met right before my eyes. Those who aspire to reach the top of the meritocratic ladder, and those who understand the system will always work against everyone and chose to live their lives humbly.